Day 87 - Bananas, report, my mother

I feel like I'm going bananas! This post is in three part, moan, report, and my inspiration who is my mum. If you're in a hurry, just go to the end!

1. The moany bit

The following things have drained me and led to tears in the last three days, but I'm all over that now. Thank you for your encouragement!

1. Three consecutive late nights but my body was waking up naturally and getting up at 5 am.
2. Different WO (Patrick swapped round a superset so we could do one together.) and feeling out of the loop.
3. Guesswork with meals, eating too much salt, hurry, some packaged food. 

The elusive balance between nutrition, sleep, stimulus is lousy when it's out!


2. Report

Sleep

As I said, a pitiful - under 6 hours on top of a debt from the previous day. Missing only a bit of sleep at this stage is BAAAD. I'm now in a late night exercise rhythm and snippy about it.

Work out

I honestly cannot remember much about the morning WO, other than I did it quickly and hard and still ran out of time to go to the park for bar work. I wasn't prepared to break my perfect attendance on exercise on Day 86!

At home station at 10.50, pullups and KF sit ups at park near my station (wearing a long skirt)
Through door at 11.15 ish, failure ab sets. Felt sick and stupid.

Couldn't tell if I was in failure as my form was so poor from the start.

I certainly gave my all. Sometimes 'giving your all' doesn't feel really RAH!
It feels like nothing except the task at hand.

Nutrition

Some guess work - protein at dinner was sashimi, then a 53 cal. packet of dried fish with all kinds of nasties in it, and a bit of leftover fish at home. Everything else was on the mark.

3. Inspiration

This is my mum, Pauline, with William. She's shy of having her photo taken, but this gives you a sense of her personality.

It's her birthday today and I miss her. I've sent her present and am going to talk on Skype, but sometimes, living abroad is tough.


Doing the PCP has sometimes reminded me of things she said as I was growing up.

1. Don't overschedule. Living healthily means giving yourself enough time to do things.

2. Enjoy the physical world around you - gardens, flowers, and as you see in the photo, cats.

3. Sit at the table to eat. During my childhood, she spent about 3 months with a naso-gastric tube with liquid food, but she always sat at the dining table to be with everyone. And did this without bumming us out. 

And one obvious one, that no PCP-ers need reminding of

4. Don't smoke.

Did I mention I miss her today?

I dedicate my workout tonight to my mother, Pauline Lewis. 

Day 82 - Report, pink protest, wail of disappointment

Happy it's Saturday! Oh yes.

Can you guess what the pink post-it note on our 'treats tray' says? I wrote it in a moment of beatitude. Or insufferable prigg-iness. Don't spoil tomorrow's post, I'll explain all then.

We bring you Friday's report...

1. Work out

I took my phone to the park and it bleated out the old wake up alarm a couple of times because I forget to turn it off. As I stopped, I instinctively turned my hand to check the time remaining! This happened a couple of times and on the third time I stopped myself. I know it's ridiculous, but blogging does make me more aware.

The best was my V-sits, the first set executed perfectly and a shabby second and ok third.

I was giving my all especially in the creeps - nasty, nasty, nasty, wrong and evil, creeps.

2. Food

Salt in the form of lunchtime fish eaten in the restaurant downstairs and then the shredded nori that I was stuffing into my face like a hamster using just as a condiment for rice. The grams were all on. I discovered a new and ugly way to eat egg whites - blast them in microwave with milk. Boss saw me separating egg yolk from white in the shell: "Is this some kind of voodoo?"

3. Sleep

This was great - lights out at 10.15-ish and up at 5.30 am no problem. About 7 hours. I'm going to sleep at the normal time tonight and try to catch up a bit for tomorrow. I don't want to lose this rhythm because I have three late nights next week - Monday teaching until late, Tuesday teaching in Odawara, Wednesday a voice gig in Chiba!

Compared to other times of year (like June/July when I go to Hokkaido once a week!), work has been relatively friendly to PCP-ing. Not that much travelling around and only a couple or one late night a week. So why, in Week 13, do I get a hard schedule? I'm going to attack it by making sure whatever happens, rope jumping is done early, then ab work, then try to get the rest done at other times. If there is just a band exercise, that can happen in my lunch hour. No sweat. Except, there will be sweat as we are getting into summer now.

Disappointment


I'm feeling quite sad that I am going to miss a huge party (Kike-sensei's 40th, a gay extravaganza with gogo dancers, fancy dress, music till 3 am). Telling myself 'there will be other parties' doesn't quite cut it, but I know what I need to do to finish the PCP strong. This Saturday is going to involve some other fun things that allow me to keep the rhythm.


Keep it jammin everyone!

Day 76 - Who said Sunday was a day of rest again?

This Sunday felt like WORK. After the glorious food of yesterday and staying up late with a movie when I really wanted to go to Roppongi to drink and revel, I just did housework, food prep, and travelled to Yokohama to train with Patrick and Paul. And I got up at 6.30 today which I don't understand!

Paul and I agree that having the chance to train with Patrick really helps. We get to learn how quickly it's possible to move through things, see some wierd and scary adaptations to moves that we just struggle through, and also get some feedback on our stats.

My stats weren't a suprise. Fat is up, muscle is down as a percentage. For this, we have to thank our friends, ghee, butter, cheese, cream cheese, bread, cake....But the good news is that the fat I put on from the curry on Saturday should go in about three days. Patrick said before I got on the scales that he'd like to see me put on some weight. This is so much not what I am used to thinking, but I'm going to trust him on this. I'm happy with how I'm looking, less happy with the tiredness.

Next week is going to be tougher (suprise!) and I need to be tanked up with sleep.

Then, the cool kindliness of sheets, that soon
Smooth away trouble; and the rough male kiss
Of blankets....
~Rupert Brooke, "The Great Lover,"

Last week I had three late nights, and I felt it today - a deep dreamless sleep on the way to Yokohama. Not a nap so much as a thwack on the head. I'm tired and there's only one thing for it. That was my Sunday, that was my Day 76.

Oyasumi!

Day 69 - Ma, schma!

Just when you think you're getting something nailed, life gets in the way. I'll give away the end of the story in a picture. You'll notice no chopstick rest, nor chopsticks, and certainly no control.

I did have a good day today until the end. Ate all my meals as planned - sushi, homemade bento. Worked out with Patrick and Paul and was delighted with my progress (Body Fat 18.5%, Visceral 1.5%, Muscle mass 30.9%).

Backround - I've had a tough week with a sore throat, but managed three broadcasts, worked out to failure somedays, stuck to my meals.

So why the binge? On the way home from the studio, I lose my wallet. Somewhere in Yokohama station I think I took out my wallet to find my bento. I think in a moment of supreme stupidity, I left it on the platform.

I'd love to say that this is the first time I've lost something and then overreacted. I keep thinking 'oh, I'm getting better at being mindful' but actually, I'm just sucking less. Maybe that's progress. But feeling miserable because you've got to crank open your 500 yen tin and report your cards missing (again) doesn't feel like progress. I just felt utterly miserable and wiped. The annoying thing is I don't know when I'm being unmindful. If I did, I wouldn't be...uh...unmindful.

And that's why, when I got home, I finished off a small pot of honey, a tub of LF yogurt, and the dorai-yaki that my friend gave me. (Patrick you and Kazue had better enjoy yours more than I did). It's not the end of the world, but I sure don't want that 3rd indulgence any more. I don't think I deserve it. Just a monastry, a wall, a cushion and a week of silence punctuated with whacks on the shoulder for falling asleep mid-meditation. Or failing that, a mental health care worker.

Day 63 - Moving along not very nicely

Today's been a slog and this is both psychological and physiological.

Psychological - When a plane takes off you notice the difference in speed. Ditto when
it lands. When it's at cruising speed you feel... no sense of speed,
yet you are moving very fast. I think this stage of the PCP is like
that. I'm not really feeling that different day to day just because I'm in a groove now. We need this kind of time to get to our destination. Enjoy the journey, even the lows.

Physically, I talked on Skype until late to my parents. I know that this did us good, but it robbed me of some sleep. And I have started drinking diet sodas again in the last couple of weeks. Technically, we are permitted to drink them, but I never drink one and feel physically good afterwards. I think it's too do with the caffeine high and the intensity of the bubbles. When I started PCPing I made an effort to not consume Pepsi Max and I felt good. Why did I go back? It's just something I do because it makes me feel like I am doing something 'diet worthy' or hardcore. Something to ask The Men That Know.

Does anyone else out there have unhealthy things they do that they pretend are hardcore?

Day 61 - Feeling contradictory

It's about 4 hours from the Sassy Girl shoot and I'm feeling less than sass. I get like this before events like public speaking which I did a lot of two years ago. Not amped or high, just empty and slightly low.

I feel like I've only got enough sociability to put everything into the video shoot, and then get myself home again. There's an invite to a party afterwards, and people will go dressed up. When I heard about it I was so excited, but now my throat is feeling sore, I'm tired, achy, and I know I'll just feeling like resting afterwards.

This I guess is what you get for doing this PCPing - you can't do as much as you want to while doing the workouts too. Or maybe some people can, but I'm not one of them. I did my workout, but not jumps first thing even though I felt shattered. Psychologically, I need a break from the time sink that is the round of prepping, eating, clearing away as well as the workouts that exert their own stress. I want the energy to have my social life, to go OUT to a party like the one tonight, to roll into The Dubliners in Shinjuku. Or just to spend a few hours with a good book.

All my energy is directed towards PCPing and if I give the impression its a joyful sacrifice, then well, it isn't. I feel like I'm starting again and feeling frustrated.

It's odd  - If I project forward to me looking at tonight's video shoot, there'll be no evidence that I'm this tired. Ditto the shots of me in the park. I was fighting through it. Today is the second time this project I've felt frustrated to tears. The first was during the week after the earthquake.

Two happy thoughts

1. I'll see Patrick and Paul in the studio tomorrow for a workout and catch up. I want to talk face to face with people who 'get it'. Guys, stand by.

2. The party scene isn't going anywhere for the next four weeks.