Day 69 - Ma, schma!

Just when you think you're getting something nailed, life gets in the way. I'll give away the end of the story in a picture. You'll notice no chopstick rest, nor chopsticks, and certainly no control.

I did have a good day today until the end. Ate all my meals as planned - sushi, homemade bento. Worked out with Patrick and Paul and was delighted with my progress (Body Fat 18.5%, Visceral 1.5%, Muscle mass 30.9%).

Backround - I've had a tough week with a sore throat, but managed three broadcasts, worked out to failure somedays, stuck to my meals.

So why the binge? On the way home from the studio, I lose my wallet. Somewhere in Yokohama station I think I took out my wallet to find my bento. I think in a moment of supreme stupidity, I left it on the platform.

I'd love to say that this is the first time I've lost something and then overreacted. I keep thinking 'oh, I'm getting better at being mindful' but actually, I'm just sucking less. Maybe that's progress. But feeling miserable because you've got to crank open your 500 yen tin and report your cards missing (again) doesn't feel like progress. I just felt utterly miserable and wiped. The annoying thing is I don't know when I'm being unmindful. If I did, I wouldn't be...uh...unmindful.

And that's why, when I got home, I finished off a small pot of honey, a tub of LF yogurt, and the dorai-yaki that my friend gave me. (Patrick you and Kazue had better enjoy yours more than I did). It's not the end of the world, but I sure don't want that 3rd indulgence any more. I don't think I deserve it. Just a monastry, a wall, a cushion and a week of silence punctuated with whacks on the shoulder for falling asleep mid-meditation. Or failing that, a mental health care worker.

Day 54 - (Over) Indulgence 2

So the mission to consume 700 - 800 calories was successful!

The Chosen One was a 'Queen of Marron Dessert' that was just heavenly. I'd planned to eat it with a matcha taiyaki, thinking that it would be about the right no. of calories. Of course, when I biked to the shop, they didn't have matcha, so I consumed a 'soycream' one. That was fairly indifferent and salty. The best thing about that was the bit of thick pancake around the tail and the first 3 bites.

I had my best buddy, Hayden, over to have lunch (home made sushi rolls!) and join me on the indulgence, so I lied to myself decided to share some matcha icecream. He had an apple caramel pie and I had to nag him to let me sit down and join him otherwise he'd have finished eating before me! The matcha icecream wasn't his thing, so I put it in the fridge for later  consumed all of it myself. OINK.

The marron and icecream was truly a wonderful combination - slightly bitter and green creaminess against the nutty and slightly lemony notes, and lighter cream of The Chosen One.

I'd say the cheesecake last time gave me a bigger hit. But then I'd already slashed up some taste buds with the salt from the taiyaki. When it comes to indulgences, simpler is best for me.

I got a bit of leg tingling and after eating Hayden asked 'You okay?' as I had my head in my hands. I was TIRED from that food.

The original plan was to go to the Sassy Girl dance class and then come back but there was champagne and cake for someone's birthday. Obviously, the smart move would be to ask for a small slice of cake and put my glass of fizz down in the general mingling. Obviously, I did not take that option. I'll be posting pictures later.

Came back to my home station, biked home, and jumped in the rain. Had a really good session - in the rain and wind, got into the groove I'd missed for a couple of weeks. See how much the sugar helped!
That took away some of the mild disgust I felt about having the cake and champagne. This wasn't really in the BF wedding type celebration and I could've handled it much better! And one more confession - last night I overate about 30 g. of protein in the form of small dried fish in sesame. It was just the same as eating a bag of potato crisps in terms of chasing the taste in my mouth.

I have questions about life post PCP - like 'Do we schedule treats in once in a while?' and the big one 'Can I be trusted?' Because I really don't want to go back to where I was two years ago. Food is good, life is short, but the pleasure of taste is shorter and more transient than the joy of a body that is in shape.

Back to the grind tomorrow. I can't wait.

Day 48 - Self reflection, spilled milk, training

Today was a 'busy' Sunday. The main 'anchor' was some training with Patrick with Jon and Paul from my group. Great session guys! That was at 4.30 in Yokohama and I'd fixed this before hearing about my capoeira group's plans to play capoeira under the cherry trees of Inokashira Park, chill outside, and have a picnic.

This tore me up frankly. I get a lot of motivation from both activities, but frankly, I'd rather have a whole afternoon in the park with my friends and people I want to make my friends.  Who wouldn't? I'm sure the other guys would also have been doing other more 'Sunday'ish things. However, I'd been the one to encourage the other PCP-ers to train and I knew that was my priority.

Slept late, jumped rope, had breakfast, shopped for fruit...At midday I couldn't decide whether to go to the park or not. It was the kind of thing where the journey there was longer than the time there. I keep missing these capoeira social events especially as I don't eat with the group after class. So, I decided to go, show my face, enjoy the ride on the train and the trees. This meant that I had to pack a lunch, pre and post workout snack, and afternoon snack. Plus get my breakfast and morning snack in...I never thought I'd begrudge being busy eating. It worked out fine despite breaking a Japanese taboo by eating my lunch on the train!

There was a low though, just before I was setting out. I spilt some of the milk I'd prepped and suddenly I felt like I was trying to do too much. I sat down and thought about staying home until time to leave for the group workout. Then thought about the person I was trying to be. Someone who just moves through things evenly. Who shows up and has a go. But mainly who doesn't make the decision to stay home on the basis of feeling pissed off about some milk being spilt and feeling useless.

At the time, there are so many things that seem to have a 'hold' or weigh you down. If you live alone, I think the tendency to dwell and ruminate is exacerbated. I'm trying to be a lighter person, not just physically, but mentally.

Both events today were rewarding in their different ways. The capoeira, albeit short, gave me a chance to practice a move from Thursday and play capoeira with a seven year old. I'm getting better at playing with kids in the more mixed rodas of adults and children. Is this a sign of levity? I hope so.

Patrick gave up his Sunday afternoon to remind us not to spend an age on our workout. I'll never be as fast as when I train with him, but it is a good push. To do our best, work hard, and get it done.

Get it done, be lighter.


Barbara Stanwyck (193), a photo by uf28 on Flickr.

Day 32 - Natural disaster in my kitchen

Yesterday I had a moment of supreme unmindfullness, turning away from a wok of fish/egg/veggies to set the table. I can do this with my small heavy egg pan, but not with my wok. Actually, I shouldn't be turning my back on any food on fire at all...! Smoke alarm kicked in KAJIDESU KAJIDESU! and I flicked everything off, opened windows. I'm glad to know it works, embarrassed that I tried to do too much.

The breakfast was okay in case you are wondering! A kind of PCP kedgeree.

Work out was really good. Heard Patrick's voice in my head and kept it  moving.

Today I'm going to swap out a jump rope session as I've got two fitness classes. One is capoeira and the other is called Sassy Girl, which is aimed at beginners and involving a workout with modelling - ties/chairs/other props. I'm dead excited! I'm anticipating the Sassy Girl class won't be that aerobic, so I may have to do a bit of jumping too. We'll see how it goes.

Last night I saw The Fighter - totally inspiring - then biked home and was asleep by 10.30 on a Friday. Is this a good sign? I'm glad I get to go to Roppongi tonight. Feeling a bit hermit-y recently.