Day 69 - Ma, schma!

Just when you think you're getting something nailed, life gets in the way. I'll give away the end of the story in a picture. You'll notice no chopstick rest, nor chopsticks, and certainly no control.

I did have a good day today until the end. Ate all my meals as planned - sushi, homemade bento. Worked out with Patrick and Paul and was delighted with my progress (Body Fat 18.5%, Visceral 1.5%, Muscle mass 30.9%).

Backround - I've had a tough week with a sore throat, but managed three broadcasts, worked out to failure somedays, stuck to my meals.

So why the binge? On the way home from the studio, I lose my wallet. Somewhere in Yokohama station I think I took out my wallet to find my bento. I think in a moment of supreme stupidity, I left it on the platform.

I'd love to say that this is the first time I've lost something and then overreacted. I keep thinking 'oh, I'm getting better at being mindful' but actually, I'm just sucking less. Maybe that's progress. But feeling miserable because you've got to crank open your 500 yen tin and report your cards missing (again) doesn't feel like progress. I just felt utterly miserable and wiped. The annoying thing is I don't know when I'm being unmindful. If I did, I wouldn't be...uh...unmindful.

And that's why, when I got home, I finished off a small pot of honey, a tub of LF yogurt, and the dorai-yaki that my friend gave me. (Patrick you and Kazue had better enjoy yours more than I did). It's not the end of the world, but I sure don't want that 3rd indulgence any more. I don't think I deserve it. Just a monastry, a wall, a cushion and a week of silence punctuated with whacks on the shoulder for falling asleep mid-meditation. Or failing that, a mental health care worker.

Day 64 - Smell, remember, hope

What does this pile of cards have to do with my workout this morning? Another PCP-er (can't remember who!) said they turned over a card from a set. It saved them counting. I tried this today expecting it would be just helpful in the sense of counting. How wrong I was! It turned out to give me a huge dollop of motivation! In February I spent a wonderful long weekend in Hirosaki, Aomori with Tori and Kyle Sharpe (pictured in the middle). They were a truly inspiring couple in so many ways. They welcomed me and Trine (Teutonic beauty on right) into their home through the amazing social networking system for travellers, Couchsurfing. 

They could have just put us up, as per the terms of the agreement, but they went so much further, driving us to Mount Iwaki for snowboarding, arranging lessons, lending me their snow suit, cooking French toast, showing us round Hirosaki's snow festival, taking us to local haunts for yakisoba. They are hardcore snowboarders (Kyle is a teacher) as well as being into all manner of other sports like football, inline skating, wrestling (Tori was a trainer in the US). Both of them are in terrific shape, and they introduced me to eating eggs everyday (they could be PCP-ers). Looking at the cards of Amori reminded me of them and the great time I'd had and how I admired their gutsy grab-life-by-the-throat attitude. And hoped that one day, I'd have musculature like Tori's! The lady is a champ and one of my inspirations. 

Kyle impressed me by saying 'Lots of people say they're into something, but they just do it once every two weeks. When we say 'we're into boarding' we go like two or three times a week'. 

PCP-ing every day entitles me to say honestly 'I'm into caring for my body'. 

Finally, as you know yesterday was a bit of a blah day for me. I bought some lilies on the way home from work and put one of the flowers by my gas hobs. Like lots of people in Tokyo, cooking space is very limited. I don't have an oven or microwave, just two ring burners. And sometimes I use an electric cooker pot, but not that often. Recently, I've felt a bit oppressed by the lack of space, need to constantly wash and put away and the smell of eggs, their shells, the left over yolks - you know how it is. I did a big clean up on Sunday, and that with the flowers has made me feel excited about being in this space again. The container behind is where I keep the leftovers food as I go along...

Our sense of smell is vital to how well we feel. 

Would you judge me if I said I sometimes put on perfume before working out? Very French, huh?

Day 26 - Capoeira Capers

Typing this on the train back from Yokohama where I visited Abada
capoeira group. My group, Bantus, in Kichijioji can't meet because of
the blackouts and this was my first proper class for about two weeks.
I struggled with the moves during practice quite a bit, but got into
my groove in the roda (free capoeira accompanied by music and singing).
I tend to stand with hands on hips between moves and couldn't help
feeling excited that I can hold them closer. And the growing strength
in my torso made me feel more in control. I'm looking forward to
seeing and feeling results of all the stuff in the park and my room.
Right now it feels just like spade work!
I woke late, everything got shoved back and I didn't have time to buy
and eat my cake. That's tomorrow's pleasant duty! I've been thinking
about it today on and off.
One thing that was different to normal was me carrying my dinner in a
lunch box and scoffing fish, sweet potatoes, greens on the station
platform. This is as Patrick advised me to have 90 min between dinner
and bed. And milk got drunk pre class at Yokohama 'Staba' to give me
some energy. 330 yen is a silly sum to pay, but it was sooo good.
Anyone got any wise words about the food/exercise relationship? I
thought I'd hate milk pre PCP but it seems to be what my body wants.

Okay, now to get to my favourite part of muscle building. Oyasumi!

Day 25 - Decisions decisions

Today we got our orders to have a treat. It's really interesting to see how I handled this bit of news. The main issue is the restriction to a) eat 200 - 400 cal. and b) eat it during the day to burn it off.

I've been telling myself that a curry plus nan is the big treat - but I checked the calories of nan and it's way over. So that might be a post PCP treat or for when things get ugly which I'm assured they will.

Read about other PCP-ers, as well as Patrick's experience with the indulgences. I get why we are doing it, to see that these foods are 'not all that' and to approach them with greater awareness and calm. However, I felt anything but calm as my colleague started talking about the possible breach in the reactor. Felt very anxious and bought a packet of McVities chocolate digestives. This was with one eye on the numbers - thinking about the fact that a packet had only 150 cal., leaving the possibility of a double day treat. But then I thought, I am doing enough number crunching here and an indulgence is meant to have a bit of 'hat to the wind' about it. The biscuits can go to someone else. It's not hard to give away food in Japan!


On the way to the supermarket, I passed a tiny locally-owned cake shop that is big enough for two customers, one counter, and hearty looking cakes. The owner and chef has displayed copious handwritten notes about the ingredients in both kanji and English calligraphy. Over Christmas I bought a selection of gingerbread, cakes, and candles for a friend and his girlfriend from there, but nothing for myself. I often glance inside as I go past and debate my choices as a kind of substitute for having something. Well, no more debate, no more giving away, tomorrow I will go in, enjoy my choices, and probably get either a marron creme or big round white cheese cake, take it home in a white box, and enjoy it with a cup of tea and movie. And it will be one indulgence with a beginning, middle, and end. Does that make sense PCP-ers who've had their indulgence?

It's so funny that for about a couple of hours today I really resented this choice and feared it would screw up my work. Definitely time to let some pressure off!