It's about 4 hours from the Sassy Girl shoot and I'm feeling less than sass. I get like this before events like public speaking which I did a lot of two years ago. Not amped or high, just empty and slightly low.
I feel like I've only got enough sociability to put everything into the video shoot, and then get myself home again. There's an invite to a party afterwards, and people will go dressed up. When I heard about it I was so excited, but now my throat is feeling sore, I'm tired, achy, and I know I'll just feeling like resting afterwards.
This I guess is what you get for doing this PCPing - you can't do as much as you want to while doing the workouts too. Or maybe some people can, but I'm not one of them. I did my workout, but not jumps first thing even though I felt shattered. Psychologically, I need a break from the time sink that is the round of prepping, eating, clearing away as well as the workouts that exert their own stress. I want the energy to have my social life, to go OUT to a party like the one tonight, to roll into The Dubliners in Shinjuku. Or just to spend a few hours with a good book.
All my energy is directed towards PCPing and if I give the impression its a joyful sacrifice, then well, it isn't. I feel like I'm starting again and feeling frustrated.
It's odd - If I project forward to me looking at tonight's video shoot, there'll be no evidence that I'm this tired. Ditto the shots of me in the park. I was fighting through it. Today is the second time this project I've felt frustrated to tears. The first was during the week after the earthquake.
Two happy thoughts
1. I'll see Patrick and Paul in the studio tomorrow for a workout and catch up. I want to talk face to face with people who 'get it'. Guys, stand by.
2. The party scene isn't going anywhere for the next four weeks.
Showing posts with label agony-of-choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label agony-of-choice. Show all posts
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 25 - Decisions decisions
Today we got our orders to have a treat. It's really interesting to see how I handled this bit of news. The main issue is the restriction to a) eat 200 - 400 cal. and b) eat it during the day to burn it off.
I've been telling myself that a curry plus nan is the big treat - but I checked the calories of nan and it's way over. So that might be a post PCP treat or for when things get ugly which I'm assured they will.
Read about other PCP-ers, as well as Patrick's experience with the indulgences. I get why we are doing it, to see that these foods are 'not all that' and to approach them with greater awareness and calm. However, I felt anything but calm as my colleague started talking about the possible breach in the reactor. Felt very anxious and bought a packet of McVities chocolate digestives. This was with one eye on the numbers - thinking about the fact that a packet had only 150 cal., leaving the possibility of a double day treat. But then I thought, I am doing enough number crunching here and an indulgence is meant to have a bit of 'hat to the wind' about it. The biscuits can go to someone else. It's not hard to give away food in Japan!
On the way to the supermarket, I passed a tiny locally-owned cake shop that is big enough for two customers, one counter, and hearty looking cakes. The owner and chef has displayed copious handwritten notes about the ingredients in both kanji and English calligraphy. Over Christmas I bought a selection of gingerbread, cakes, and candles for a friend and his girlfriend from there, but nothing for myself. I often glance inside as I go past and debate my choices as a kind of substitute for having something. Well, no more debate, no more giving away, tomorrow I will go in, enjoy my choices, and probably get either a marron creme or big round white cheese cake, take it home in a white box, and enjoy it with a cup of tea and movie. And it will be one indulgence with a beginning, middle, and end. Does that make sense PCP-ers who've had their indulgence?
It's so funny that for about a couple of hours today I really resented this choice and feared it would screw up my work. Definitely time to let some pressure off!
I've been telling myself that a curry plus nan is the big treat - but I checked the calories of nan and it's way over. So that might be a post PCP treat or for when things get ugly which I'm assured they will.
Read about other PCP-ers, as well as Patrick's experience with the indulgences. I get why we are doing it, to see that these foods are 'not all that' and to approach them with greater awareness and calm. However, I felt anything but calm as my colleague started talking about the possible breach in the reactor. Felt very anxious and bought a packet of McVities chocolate digestives. This was with one eye on the numbers - thinking about the fact that a packet had only 150 cal., leaving the possibility of a double day treat. But then I thought, I am doing enough number crunching here and an indulgence is meant to have a bit of 'hat to the wind' about it. The biscuits can go to someone else. It's not hard to give away food in Japan!
On the way to the supermarket, I passed a tiny locally-owned cake shop that is big enough for two customers, one counter, and hearty looking cakes. The owner and chef has displayed copious handwritten notes about the ingredients in both kanji and English calligraphy. Over Christmas I bought a selection of gingerbread, cakes, and candles for a friend and his girlfriend from there, but nothing for myself. I often glance inside as I go past and debate my choices as a kind of substitute for having something. Well, no more debate, no more giving away, tomorrow I will go in, enjoy my choices, and probably get either a marron creme or big round white cheese cake, take it home in a white box, and enjoy it with a cup of tea and movie. And it will be one indulgence with a beginning, middle, and end. Does that make sense PCP-ers who've had their indulgence?
It's so funny that for about a couple of hours today I really resented this choice and feared it would screw up my work. Definitely time to let some pressure off!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)