Day 61 - Feeling contradictory

It's about 4 hours from the Sassy Girl shoot and I'm feeling less than sass. I get like this before events like public speaking which I did a lot of two years ago. Not amped or high, just empty and slightly low.

I feel like I've only got enough sociability to put everything into the video shoot, and then get myself home again. There's an invite to a party afterwards, and people will go dressed up. When I heard about it I was so excited, but now my throat is feeling sore, I'm tired, achy, and I know I'll just feeling like resting afterwards.

This I guess is what you get for doing this PCPing - you can't do as much as you want to while doing the workouts too. Or maybe some people can, but I'm not one of them. I did my workout, but not jumps first thing even though I felt shattered. Psychologically, I need a break from the time sink that is the round of prepping, eating, clearing away as well as the workouts that exert their own stress. I want the energy to have my social life, to go OUT to a party like the one tonight, to roll into The Dubliners in Shinjuku. Or just to spend a few hours with a good book.

All my energy is directed towards PCPing and if I give the impression its a joyful sacrifice, then well, it isn't. I feel like I'm starting again and feeling frustrated.

It's odd  - If I project forward to me looking at tonight's video shoot, there'll be no evidence that I'm this tired. Ditto the shots of me in the park. I was fighting through it. Today is the second time this project I've felt frustrated to tears. The first was during the week after the earthquake.

Two happy thoughts

1. I'll see Patrick and Paul in the studio tomorrow for a workout and catch up. I want to talk face to face with people who 'get it'. Guys, stand by.

2. The party scene isn't going anywhere for the next four weeks.

Day 24 - What some call health, if purchased by continual anxiety about diet, is nothing more than tedious disease

Nice quote from George Denning Prentice there. It sums up a great attitude to food; be relaxed about it. I'm finding PCP food really liberating because I know my limits. That said, I'm still struggling to get LF milk and settling on LF yogurt, and when I can't get that I've tried Yakult, which was a mistake because of the sugar and probable lack of milk! Steamed some oysters this evening with spuds and fried onion/cabbage. It was nice, but next time I'll try to get things really piping hot, which was what I was craving.

Managed to get up earlier today and do all my workout except pullups which were done in the kids playground. I didn't bother 'changing', just got off my bike. Anyone else out there done workout stuff in office clothes? I like mixing things up, and was inspired by Patrick's blog to listen to BBC Radio 7 where you can listen again to radio dramas. Alan Bennett was describing getting beaten up in Italy with his boyfriend and the Italian police dismissing it as a reasonable thing for any red-blooded Italian man. I was doing my pushups. Incongrous? Yes, and I like it. 

Confession - I am a once-a-week announcer at NHK radio and had some training today. It's amazing how much you need to control your breath and emotions with voice work. I hope the PCP exercises will make me better at this. 

After my training I did what I promised Patrick and got a stronger band. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. 

Oyasumi everyone. 

Day 20 - Making a berimbau in Doutours

Today my teacher Cacapa made my first berimbau (instrument for capoeira) from a piece of bamboo, wire, string, and flower pot. I helped by holding my finger at critical points and places. We made it in the corner of Doutours and NO ONE stopped us. I think next time I will set up a model train set and dare them to stop me.

PCP-ing again saw me fail on the salt. Was carrying around a bag of seaweed with shrimp salt. Felt v. tired and low in the afternoon, and gave in. I don't crave salt 'on food' when I'm cooking my own, but I do sometimes crave salty processed foods. Giving this up is harder than I thought. Other meals were okay, but had an unweighed apple walking home, then weighed a similar one and was amazed at how heavy it was. Ate slightly less of evening fruits to try to balance it out. Should have just weighed and packed it along with my lunch.

Anyone else feel virtuous about having a weighed, packed lunch? Just me?

Exercise was okay with the rope and mediocre with the leg ups. And I am very ready for sleep now!

Thanks everyone for the comments and encouragement!