Day 61 - Feeling contradictory

It's about 4 hours from the Sassy Girl shoot and I'm feeling less than sass. I get like this before events like public speaking which I did a lot of two years ago. Not amped or high, just empty and slightly low.

I feel like I've only got enough sociability to put everything into the video shoot, and then get myself home again. There's an invite to a party afterwards, and people will go dressed up. When I heard about it I was so excited, but now my throat is feeling sore, I'm tired, achy, and I know I'll just feeling like resting afterwards.

This I guess is what you get for doing this PCPing - you can't do as much as you want to while doing the workouts too. Or maybe some people can, but I'm not one of them. I did my workout, but not jumps first thing even though I felt shattered. Psychologically, I need a break from the time sink that is the round of prepping, eating, clearing away as well as the workouts that exert their own stress. I want the energy to have my social life, to go OUT to a party like the one tonight, to roll into The Dubliners in Shinjuku. Or just to spend a few hours with a good book.

All my energy is directed towards PCPing and if I give the impression its a joyful sacrifice, then well, it isn't. I feel like I'm starting again and feeling frustrated.

It's odd  - If I project forward to me looking at tonight's video shoot, there'll be no evidence that I'm this tired. Ditto the shots of me in the park. I was fighting through it. Today is the second time this project I've felt frustrated to tears. The first was during the week after the earthquake.

Two happy thoughts

1. I'll see Patrick and Paul in the studio tomorrow for a workout and catch up. I want to talk face to face with people who 'get it'. Guys, stand by.

2. The party scene isn't going anywhere for the next four weeks.