I did have a good day today until the end. Ate all my meals as planned - sushi, homemade bento. Worked out with Patrick and Paul and was delighted with my progress (Body Fat 18.5%, Visceral 1.5%, Muscle mass 30.9%).
Backround - I've had a tough week with a sore throat, but managed three broadcasts, worked out to failure somedays, stuck to my meals.
So why the binge? On the way home from the studio, I lose my wallet. Somewhere in Yokohama station I think I took out my wallet to find my bento. I think in a moment of supreme stupidity, I left it on the platform.
I'd love to say that this is the first time I've lost something and then overreacted. I keep thinking 'oh, I'm getting better at being mindful' but actually, I'm just sucking less. Maybe that's progress. But feeling miserable because you've got to crank open your 500 yen tin and report your cards missing (again) doesn't feel like progress. I just felt utterly miserable and wiped. The annoying thing is I don't know when I'm being unmindful. If I did, I wouldn't be...uh...unmindful.
And that's why, when I got home, I finished off a small pot of honey, a tub of LF yogurt, and the dorai-yaki that my friend gave me. (Patrick you and Kazue had better enjoy yours more than I did). It's not the end of the world, but I sure don't want that 3rd indulgence any more. I don't think I deserve it. Just a monastry, a wall, a cushion and a week of silence punctuated with whacks on the shoulder for falling asleep mid-meditation. Or failing that, a mental health care worker.
Hey Helen, it happens.... We are all human! You are doing great, no need to beat yourself up over it.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately you still have to have your 3rd indulgence... it's mandatory!
ReplyDeleteWhy did I think that'd be the answer!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm feeling a bit better after cheering myself up with Mike and the Gang and then getting some perspective from my colleague whose family home was carried off by the tsunami.